WHO WILL BE THE FIRST ARSEHOLE TO WEAR A FACEMASK?

AS the number of confirmed pork flu cases in the UK soared into single figures, millions of people across Britain were last night wondering who would be the first arsehole to start wearing a facemask.

Online retailers have reported high demand for their utterly useless anti-pork flu kits, consisting of a flimsy surgical mask, some Kendal mintcake, a James Blunt CD, a novelty keyring and a cyanide pill.

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